Remember kids... always wear a helmet. (The almighty bikeradar helmet thread)

Saturday, 30 June 2012
Cyclists: Take Note

"Cyclists of various shapes and sizes acting like muppets"

OK, before I say anything else, I ride a bike. I ride to work (sometimes) and I have been known to cycle across Europe from time to time. That said... I HATE cyclists! Don't get me wrong, there is a lot to be said for riding a bike and if done properly, with due care and attention and respect, there is nothing wrong with it. However, as most of you will know, the courteous, well lit, single file, helmet wearing, law abiding cyclist is few and far between. Most think they own the road; they cycle about 3 foot from the kerb, they are not mindful of other road users and constantly jump red lights; red lights there to protect them and pedestrians.

There are different types of cyclists, each with their own unique style and habits that rub me up the wrong way:

The Commuter: Traffic is heavy, there are people everywhere, it is stop start and everyone is in a rush. These commuters, with their trousers tucked into their socks riding collapsible Bromptons, are a menace. They weave in and out of traffic, drift through red lights and most have head phones in their ears. This means they pedal away oblivious to the ambulance desperately trying to get past. They also tend to get where I am going quicker than me and quite frankly that annoys me!

The Trendy Cyclist: Some people cycle as much for the look as it is practical for them to do so. They slowly pedal away on their old fashioned bike complete with basket on the front without a care in the road. However in doing so, they fail to look left or right. In fact they fail to look at anything. They saunter across junctions, they swerve left and right, apparently incapable of cycling in a straight line and look truly offended at a) the noise of the siren or b) having to move and / or slow down to allow us to pass. How dare we?!

The Sunday Cyclist: Everyone cycles on Sundays, the roads are littered with bikes. I find the cycle clubs the worst. Groups of 20 plus men, all wearing their matching condom suits, insisting on cycling 3 abreast across the road. They go out of their way to be an obstruction and more often than not swear and hurl abuse when I resort to the 'bull horn' after the sirens have failed. They also don't wear helmets, just these stupid floppy caps. WEAR A BLOODY HELMET! Seriously!

There is no reason pedestrians, cars and cyclists cannot get on in harmony. Car drivers have their faults, as do pedestrians, but cyclists seem to be taking over the world without the skills and courtesy that cyclists on the continent have. They are a law unto themselves; they think that the Highway Code doesn't apply to them and cause endless crashes and traffic jams every single day. To that end, here is a list of 'don'ts' for our lycra loving population to adhere to:

Don't jump red lights
Don't ride without a helmet
Don't undertake anyone, ever
Don't use my car to lean on at traffic lights. Mits off.
Don't cycle in the middle of the road
Don't jump red lights
Don't ride without a helmet
Don't change road position without signalling 
Don't wear headphones
Don't ride on the pavement
Don't ride without lights
Don't jump red lights
Don't ride without a helmet
Don't wear all black outfits
Don't dress like Lance Armstrong on your way to the shops
Don't stop in front of the stop line so you can't see the lights
Don't wear a face mask with no helmet *
Don't jump red lights
Don't ride without a helmet
Don't roll in the middle of the road just because you are going fast
Don't ignore pedestrian crossings
Don't ignore ambulances
Don't continue what you are doing when you hear sirens
Don't jump red lights
Don't ride without a helmet
Don't hold onto cars to get your speed up.
Don't swear at me because I have caused you to stop
Don't leave the scene of an accident you have caused
Don't think for a moment that you own the road
Don't jump red lights
Don't ride without a helmet
Don't turn left or right without signalling
Don't ride in the road if you can't ride in a straight line
Don't ride 2 abreast
Don't ride 3 abreast
Don't jump red lights
Don't ride without a helmet
Don't block the road for a chin wag with your mates
Don't pretend I don't exist just because you are going up hill
Don't blame cars for everything, you are often to blame
Don't think that any of us care that your bike cost more than our car
Don't jump red lights
Don't ride without a helmet
Don't play chicken with a car
Really don't play chicken with a van
Really really don't play chicken with a bus
Really really really don't play chicken with a lorry. They are not moving, because they haven't seen you. It will hurt. You will probably die and I will in turn need counselling!

Admittedly, I am moaning a lot about the red light thing and the helmet thing but seriously, most injuries and deaths on the road from cyclists being knocked off are from them jumping red lights and not wearing helmet. *Also, the face mask with no helmet thing?! Is it just me or is there a seriously weird risk assessment going on there? 'I'm willing to risk falling off and cracking my skull open but got forbid I breathe in fumes'! Weird! Just for the record, car passengers are at higher risks from fumes than cyclists. Stop being a pretentious tool! Follow these simple rules and less people will get hurt. That's a fact. I'm not saying don't cycle, I cycle, but don't think that because you are being healthy and saving the environment that other road users will play nice. They won't. Be sensible and realise it is YOU that is going to get hurt and NOT the car or the concrete. Oh, and one more thing.....cycle lanes..... USE THEM!!!! Take note!

Click the Take Note photo at the top to see the other posts in the series!

Posted by Ella Shaw at 11:08 am
Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
Labels: Ambulance, Ambulance blog, Cyclists, EMS, EMT, NHS, Paramedic, Road safety, RTC, Take Note