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The sweaty Spandex stick insects round corners in the middle of lanes and ride double and triple-breasted on dangerous A and B roads. They pay no road tax and their only contribution to the environment that they visually and verbally despoil is, as far as I can see, to order a few black coffees and non-alcoholic drinks from the non-sweaty owners of coffee bars and pubs.

I have often thought that if Health and Safety had been in existence in the 19th century and known about the coming of the millions of automobiles on our roads it would have stated the obvious and said to any interested parties suggesting the advent of spandex cyclists ‘Does Lycra go splat?’