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@olaf_von_pokemon
Terrorists have infiltrated my allotment.
I was clearing out an old shed (due to be demolished) and found an old, slightly rusty retractable metal tape measure. I thought I might be able to fix it so I opened up the plastic case to have a look. Surely nothign a bit of WD40 can't fix?
After a few moments of fiddling the plastic housing broke allowing the massive central spring to explode sending shrapnel over a 5m radius. The bastard cut my hand, took a chunk out of my glasses lens, and made an odd semicircular cut on my forehead. (I was lucky I was holding it near my waist rather than nearer my eye). It shifted so quickly it felt like getting a punch in the face.
I can only think IS or Al kwik fit had many years earlier submerged the tape measure in water allowing the metal centre to degrade and central housing to weaken just so that when I opened it the bastard would blow up.
I found a slightly rusty spade too but I bet they've spread ebola on it or some shit. Crafty bastards.