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@The_Batman
Not too long ago my Bianchi Gold Race 600 was stolen. I went through all the procedures with security and police of course but I knew that I wasn't likely to get her back. My real frustration was that I had been using the bike every day and for a bunch of different stuff, and that it was unlikely to get near the same use with its new owner. So I vented my frustration by writing a note to the thief, which I have copied below:
Dear Sir,
Last night you stole my bicycle, but you didn't give me a chance to tell you about her. You see, the lettering has peeled off so you may not realise that what you have is a Bianchi Gold Race 600. I salute your taste, she is a beauty. As you ride her you may notice that the pedals are an unusual shape, good luck with that in your trainers. You may also notice an occassional clicking noise whilst you pedal. That is because the chain and rear cassette are wearing out causing the chain to slip once in a while. Unfortunately this is only going to get worse and you're going to have to replace both soon. I don't know how easy it is to steal such items but make sure you get Campagnolo - in theory you could switch over to Shimano but Bianchi is an Italian brand and frankly it would look silly. The tyres are starting to wear out now, if you spin the wheel you will see the cracks I am talking about. You need to replace these within about 500 miles. The wheels themelves are slightly off true. I had been planning to sort them out this week but now that will be your job. If you ignore it then they will get worse, especially because you are probably the type of person to hop on and off curbs. Eventually the stress will become too much to bear and the wheel will buckle under you, this typically happens when you hit some sort of pot hole at high speed, try not to land on your head. The bicycle is designed for somebody of my height, that is 6'3". My hunch is that you aren't that tall - it's statistically unikely. This will likely result in lower back pain, strained calf muscles and possibly injury to your achilles tendons (the screw that would allow you to lower the saddle is rounded). In fact this bike is quite expensive to keep running, probably I would have been better off replacing it a while ago but that's not really my style. So I can't thank you for taking her off my hands, even if she was a burden sometimes. It's not because of the memories I have of her, the 10,000+ miles we've shared (accident free, perhaps one is due), the 60mph descents, the Pyranees climbs, the traffic weaving, the night rides, the daily commutes or the sprints. The reason I can't thank you is because despite the issues and costs it was my bicycle and you stole it. In a legal sense that is not so serious as rape or murder but in God's eyes, and mine, it makes no difference. Perhaps you are the thief or perhaps you bought the bike for £40 but in God's eyes, and mine, it makes no difference. "Love Me Love My Bike" is on a T-shirt I gave to a beautiful French girl. There is no love in theft. Post hoc ergo propter hoc, you don't respect my bicycle therefore you don't respect me. That I cannot tolerate. The chances are I will never see my bike again but there is a slim chance I will see you. Did you notice the CCTV aimed at my bike when you stole it?
I didn't realise at the time that this was a popular 'thing' to do, with this (awful) article in the (awful) Daily Mail.
My real frustration was that I had been using the bike every day and for a bunch of different stuff, and that it was unlikely to get near the same use with its new owner. I started to imagine that it would start gathering rust in a damp shed, forgotten at the end of a garden. But then I realised that my one consolation was that I could choose my imagined fate for the bike. So no, it's not rusting away in a shed, but it was bought by an innocent, if naive, 16 year old. It is his first road bike and as he find the various issues with the bike he learns how to fix them. He starts to love the bike and look after it properly. He rides longer and harder and one day he introduces himself to people as a 'cyclist'.
Bike theft is ugly and frustrating, I thought I would share my experience of it.