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Lezyne : http://www.wiggle.co.uk/lezyne-road-drive-mini-abs-pump/ best mini pump I have ever owned. Only pump I have of comparable quality is my shock pump.
But if you have removable valve cores you need to tighten them with pliers before you use the pump for the first time
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Thanks @mule , it looks good and has great reviews everywhere.
I will be getting one of those!
TL;DR
I need a portable pump that actually works and can pump up 80psi+ without having to pump for 30 minutes...