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  • On my keyring I've got a bottle opener in the shape of a hippopotamus which came out of a Christmas cracker – the animal's mouth being the clamp to prise off bottle tops. I'm never without it and use it often, each time reliving the disappointment of mushy vegetables and frosty in-law relations.

    I'm not the target audience for this particular agony/ecstasy Rapha product, although being King of Pain branded I'd expect to use it for self-circumcision rather than to pop another recovery Supermalt following a gentle Sunday spin to the earth's core

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