For Sale: codswallop ( Charlie Z Harris - crazygill85@hotmail.co.uk ) defrauding people

harsh.

I hope that the end of his old chap peeps out of the button fly on his boxer shorts and chafes itself on the abrasive seam of his jeans' fly.

i hope he has a zip/forseskin incident

I hope after training hard all year he doesn't get picked for Team Sky's Tour de France squad.

I hope he hears a creak from his bottom bracket that no matter how many replacements or how much grease.. It just never goes away.

I hope he has a burrito for lunch and a big piece gets stuck between his front teeth and he doesn't notice it until he gets home that evening and wonders why nobody pointed it out

I hope he chops some onion and garlic, then spends the rest of the evening idly sniffing his finger while watching television, and this is noticed by onlookers

I hope he stands on a piece of Lego en route to the loo with a big poo onboard

I hope he bends his fingernail backwards

I hope he bends his fingernail backwards

oooft harsh.

I hope he bites his tongue accidentally

I hope the stray wire from the end of his brake cable pokes him in the fingertip

I hope he gets his stubble caught and plucked by the top of his coats zipper

I hope that despite asking only for lettuce and tomatoes at the kebab shop a stray bit of onion finds its way into his lamb doner and he momentarily gags as he bites into it.

I hope he stands up really quickly after kneeling down and clicks his knee really loudly and it hurts

I hope he gets a bit of fingernail stuck between his front teeth and then bites off the end of all his other fingernails trying to get that original bit out.

I hope the chilli sauce in the above mentioned kebab goes down the wrong pipe

I hope he gets blue ball

I hope he gets a job in a mobile phone shop.

I hope a menace child runs a trolley into his heels while shopping

I hope he crunches through sand in his salad

I hope he sneezes after taking a drag of a cigarette

I hope his wifi drops every 15 minutes

I hope a wasp continues to bother him for the duration of his time in the pub beer garden.

i hope he gets stuck in an elevator with Jeez and happens to make a casual remark about Theresa May's apparent lack of motherly qualities.