Crap 'Buzzwords'

"socket parity" ...

"mid-mainstream"

I’m afraid not Landslide, this has taken a bit of a back seat for me due to other items in my workbasket.

At least he's answered the question of whether or not I should give any further consideration to his project.

I had a meeting with Mr Workbasket today. He's just sent me this:

I’m happy to confirm forward trajectory output of meet, that being “coolbox” and mark forward to end Feb by which time we will understand forward path of [project] and initial output of [other project].

coolbox ? Is that a thing at your job or just management wank ? If it's the later I actually can't infer what it's supposed to mean at all, which seems like a new low.

I think it's some sort of "put it on ice" statement. I'm now having something of a crisis - does he really believe this management wank, or is he just an epic troll?

It's not even just the 'coolbox' reference....

"I’m happy to confirm forward trajectory output of meet" - presumably that was a reply to a question something along the lines of "did we decide what to do next in the meeting?"

tell him he is a cock. because he is a cock.

I'm going to check the status of our iceblocks, and roll up the picnic blanket until we know what the weather forecast is.

Holy crap, that sentence is communication catastrophe!

just reply all with: "is this a real sentence?" works every time

'pain points'

since when did calling everyone on an email dist list 'gents' become a thing?! My manager does it and it has spread like wildfire - fucking stop it!!!

Hinterland

since when did calling everyone on an email dist list 'gents' become a thing?! My manager does it and it has spread like wildfire - fucking stop it!!!

Mine does this and adds 'evening', even when he's emailing in the morning.

Stahp!

Street food.

Roadcraft

Sorry Josh but until someone comes up with something sexier and more correct than 'cycle training' it stands.

WTF are you doing on that website? Haven't you heard of pornhub?

^this eventually leads to:

solutioning

Just overheard this now rather antiquated combination at the water cooler:

"I just don't think its a value-add"
"No, but going forward...."

I thought it was some sort of in-joke but they were dead serious.

"No, but going forward...."

Drone A to Likewise B, referring to Ruthless C and Hopeless D, neither of whom were present - 'I'll contact them so we can triangulate our thinking'.

'Getting other opinions' it used to be called, but it's just not flamboyant enough to cut it nowadays.

He also used 'blue-sky thinking' and 'game-changer' in quick succession. He lives in Berkshire, where he's idolised for such things.

Obviously, he should have spoken of quadrangulating their thinking. What a slip-up.

Likewise B wasn't part of the A, C and D discussion Drone A was planning, so I think you'l find the Home Counties win this one.