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@lae
Good morning. I assumed you were being sarcastic when you said "let's have a stupid discussion about what proper mountain biking is" but now I'm not sure. Let's forget the whole thing.
Anyway, I think an Inbred 29er is the perfect bike for your (dakin's) needs for the following reasons:
I use mine for commuting, XC/trail (although I do get off and walk the big drop-offs because I'm using a Ritchey carbon fork) and off-road touring and I think it's pretty bloody good. I just swap the cockpit out if I'm touring for a few days (from 60 Thomson/780 Crank Bros Cobalt bar > to > 100 Cobalt shallow rise stem and On-One Mary bar). I have a Surly ECR fork for that mythical 3-month off-road tour that's probably never going to happen.
Beware that the Inbred frames are not very well finished and need facing/chasing. Also commuting on tacky tyres wears them out very quickly, unless your commute is off-road (which mine mostly is n.b. this is not me, nor is is the trail I commute on, although it is on the same hill with the same view every morning, which is awesome).