• So I thought 'fuck it, I'm going to steal his hat'. However I misjudged my speed/ hand-grab co-ordination and ended up giving him a 20mph open palmed slap on the head.

    It might be entirely possible therefore to retell your story as: someone was crossing the road, I passed them at speed and deliberately slapped them. Awesome. Great story. Makes you sound like a real nice guy.

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